Every now and then you roll the dice on a “something for everyone” show and pray it doesn’t end in a family mutiny. But last week in Pigeon Forge, we found ourselves at The Array Variety Show, ten strong—ages 11 to 70—each with wildly different tastes in music, attention spans, and opinions on what counts as “good entertainment.”
Let’s be honest, most of the time when you try to please Grandpa AND the TikTok crowd, you end up with something that’s about as exciting as a hotel continental breakfast.
But this time? The Array Variety Show managed to pull off the hat trick. Three generations, one roof, and not a single complaint. THAT, my friends, is what you call a minor miracle in family travel.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Amish Pretzels & Pre-Show Pep Talks
Before the lights even dimmed, our adventure started in the concession stand—home to the “famous” homemade Amish pretzels.
Now, I’m a sucker for soft pretzels and have been known to plan entire rest stops around Auntie Anne’s, so I was skeptical. But these beauties? Thicker, heartier, with a little chew and just the right amount of salt. The kids housed them in about thirty seconds, and even my dad (who claims everything tastes better at a ballgame) gave his stamp of approval.
Pro tip: Don’t wait till intermission to get one, or you’ll end up in line behind every other dad in the place.
THE SHOW: Rock, Country, Gospel, and Aerial Madness
I’ll admit, I went in expecting the usual variety show formula—some passable singers, a little comedy, maybe a juggler if we’re lucky. The Array blew those expectations out of the water.
- Rock ’n’ Roll: They kicked things off with a full-throttle tribute to the greatest hits of the ’70s and ’80s. Think Heart, Journey, Bon Jovi, and Def Leppard. You’ll have to resist the urge to play air-guitar while you’re mouthing the words to “Don’t Stop Believin’.”
- Country & Gospel: The country & gospel portion brought all the down-home feels: twangy guitars, soulful choruses, and that familiar warmth you get from classic songs everyone seems to know by heart. Definitely a highlight, no matter your taste in music.
- The Ole Crew: Okay, these guys stole the show for us. High energy, hilarious, and genuinely talented. You know an act is good when they can make both a middle schooler and a retiree snort-laugh at the same time. Turns out, The Ole Crew is getting their own show soon—no surprise, because the crowd went absolutely nuts for them.
- Acrobatics: If you like your variety shows with a dash of “how are they not dead right now?”, the aerial acts will get your heart rate up. At one point, someone was dangling by a single foot from way up in the rafters. My palms were sweating, and my wife looked like she was about to start reciting the Lord’s Prayer. The kids were on the edge of their seats (and I think my dad muttered something about “insurance premiums”).
- World-Class Vocals & Big Screen Hits: The main vocalists were top-notch, tackling everything from oldies to movie soundtracks with a ton of power and range. I found myself singing along with a few of the classics. They even managed to work in a patriotic tribute that had the whole place on its feet.
MAGIC IN THE LOBBY: Jason Hudy, The Coloring Book, and a Missed Opportunity
At intermission, the kids were buzzing about the magician, Jason Hudy. We didn’t get to see his full act this time (he rotates in and out as a specialty act), but he was hanging out in the gift shop during the break and took the time to show the kids his famous magic coloring book trick.
It’s a simple thing, but watching a pro work his magic up close was a highlight for the younger crew (and, let’s be honest, for me too). We’re already planning to catch his full show the next time we hit Pigeon Forge.
THE VIBE: Clean, Uplifting, and Down-Home
One thing that sets The Array apart is the way they weave faith and family into the whole experience. There’s a little gospel, a little humor, and a whole lot of heart. The show gives a nod to the military, throws in some old-fashioned “God bless America” moments, and manages to keep things energetic and genuinely funny without ever crossing into awkward territory.
You don’t have to worry about covering your kid’s ears or explaining any questionable lyrics. It’s good, clean fun with performers who look like they love what they do (and who can actually sing, dance, and hang upside down from a rope at the same time).
WHO SHOULD GO?
- Families with kids, teens, and skeptical grandparents (trust me, we tested all age groups and got two thumbs up across the board)
- People who like a little bit of everything—rock, country, gospel, oldies, and stunts that’ll make you sweat
- Anyone looking for a night out in Pigeon Forge that actually delivers on the “family fun” promise
WRAP-UP: The Show That Actually Delivers
If you’re in Pigeon Forge and need a break from the go-karts, fudge shops, and “world’s largest everything,” do yourself a favor and grab tickets to The Array Variety Show at the Mountain of Entertainment Theater. Between the jaw-dropping acrobatics, legit vocal talent, and the infectious energy of The Ole Crew, it’s a show you’ll be talking about long after you’re back home.
And if you see a pack of kids in the lobby waiting in line for a hot pretzel, come say hi. We’ll probably be there, pretzel in hand, planning our next trip back.
Bottom line: The Array Variety Show is the rare show that actually lives up to the “fun for the whole family” hype. And in a world full of letdowns, that’s about as magical as it gets.
